An incident I remember from school. My class teacher used to give out gifts to the first rank holder in the class after the exam each month. I consistently got the gifts three times. The fourth exam I stood second. The teacher bought two gifts this time, one for the first rank holder and the second one for me. The gifts were alike. The reason she gave was that I had got the first rank most number of times, the gift was for that. I was her favorite and maybe she was a little partial. But I felt awesome. 🙂

I think my major problem is I live in the past. I hold onto memories too tightly. Think of all the good times that were and compare them with the present. Though I am very well aware, with time everything changes. I do a constant comparison and feel disappointed. I pull myself down, which is definitely not the right way to go about things. I aspire do something big, to attain something big, but I am not sure of what. I am fearful of the results. Fear is not a good thing.

The greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually be afraid you will make one.

Isn’t that a powerful quote? That’s exactly the mistake I am doing right now. Had a bunch of friends around to correct me, appreciate me and guide me too. Miss them terribly now.

I hope I can rebuild myself and write a post of the stuff that I am proud of in myself, sometime soon. One tiny step a time, I need to work towards it.


5 Comments Add yours

  1. Tatsat says:

    There is nothing wrong in thinking of good things from the past- or, even the bad ones. We are, after all, the sum total of our past, present and the future right ? Its not fair to cut out a third 🙂 So… don’t feel bad about that.

    Being confused is not a bad thing either. If you are don’t get lost, you might never stumble onto something new- not just a cool thing to say, but I genuinely believe in it. Atleast you are searching, that is quite an achievement.

    Keep writing- ideas will come along on their own.

    1. Well let’s just hope the search is fruitful.
      When I read what you write, I love the flow, seems like the words come so easily to you. For me to do the same seems so difficult…

      1. Tatsat says:

        In my understanding, I write nonsense all the time. But there is this other thing which pushes me forth, and it is this: it does not matter how it looks to other people. All what matters is how it looks to you.

        Let it be stupid, redundant and foolish- all at the same time. But you write.

        You write because you can.

  2. greenboochi says:

    Hugs Arch! I am sailing in the same boat as you. I am still living my memories, constantly comparing them to the present, feeling disappointed. I guess, only when I let go of my past and those memories, I can deal with the present. Hugs again! I am sure you will get the perspective on what you feel like doing soon and hope you would have that proud moment very soon.

    1. Hey! Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment. Thanks for the kind words too. 🙂
      I am constantly trying to stay on track and not let things fall apart.

      Hugs right back!! 🙂

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