I have this inexplicable desire that people should like me. What I mean is that, the people I am close to should like me. They shouldn’t think bad about me or they shouldn’t have any reason to complain about me. For this I tend to go out of my way in doing things to please people or get them to like me.
Somewhere I know it’s wrong. When you do something for people, it’s builds their expectation. With time they think that’s how you are and it is taken for granted. If you aren’t able to live up to the expectation at some point of time, it will still cause a rift.
When I came into this house as a newly wed, what I wanted mainly was to be accepted well by the family. To be considered a part of it. Though no fixed expectations were set for me from either my husband or in-laws, I went out of my way in trying to become a part of them. I try to help around in the house and do a lot of chores, despite coming late from office. I wake up early to help in the kitchen despite having slept late the previous night. The initial few months got tough at office, as the sleep deprived me had to work on the new project too. What I wanted is for the family to like me.
Now, when I see the rift between my MIL and SIL for minor stuff, I get worried as to what will be the outcome. What if at some point of time in the future it’s going to be the same with me. No matter what I do now, if I am not able to do something at a later point of time, it will still cause fights. The more I do, the expectations increase.
I have faced this before too. When in college, I used to studiously make notes and maintain records very well. Having a neat handwriting and keen interest, I used to do it well and it used to be borrowed by a lot of people. Where it went wrong was, when friends who knew I would help out, would come to me and get diagrams drawn in their record from me. I have written complete practical records for a couple of them. It was double work for me, as I had to do mine and that of the others. Though it was hard for me, I used to do it, as I didn’t want the so-called friends to feel bad, when clearly they were exploiting my nature of not being able to say No.
I don’t wanna end up like that again, but I am scared of getting labeled as a bad DIL, who doesn’t do much at home. I am totally confused as to how to deal with such a situation. On what I should do and what I shouldn’t, where to draw the line 😦 Suggestions are welcome.