Suddenly it seems like I don’t belong anywhere. There is a sense of loneliness.

My typical day consists of waking up early, help around in the kitchen. Catch a wink if time permits, else get ready and leave for office. Office hours seem long and dreary. Finish up the work and leave for home after nearly 13hrs, since I woke up. Reach home, wash up, wash the lunch boxes, have a cup of coffee if it isn’t too late. Having done all this I hardly have an hour left before it’s dinner time. Post dinner, it’s getting things ready for the next day. 😦

I am not sure if it is my imagination or it is the truth, when I enter the house I don’t experience the warmth of coming home. You know the feel that’s associated with home? Maybe that’s how an in-laws place is. I don’t see a smile on anyone’s face, no greeting, nothing. The MIL and SIL are generally in a sullen mood and won’t speak until spoken to. Sometimes if I wait to see if anyone talks to me, I only end up waiting.

The only person who makes it all bearable for me is the hubby. Thank God for that! *Touchwood*. He has to listen to all my woes and bear the brunt of my anger. But he does. He pacifies me too. Prior to my wedding, I had hoped for a lovely home after the wedding. One of the reasons I was happy for getting into a joint family is that, I thought, more the people, more the interactions, more lively it is. Also, having see many a fight between my parents, I used to be sort of silent at my house and hoped for a change after the wedding. I have got used to and don’t bother much about the difference in the way the son and DIL is treated at home. Yet some or the other thing leaves me disappointed every single day.

I don’t have the inclination to go back home nor do I feel like coming to office. I feel lost. There is no sense of belonging.

Since a long time, I wanted to go and stay at my house, with my parents for a few days. Luckily things worked out and I came home this week. Surprisingly everything feels different even after having come home. I fell unwell and am recovering now. None of the friends seem to be around to meet up and catch up on the past few months. But being here, I have some time on my hands, being spared from the household work. Getting good sleep. Of course, nothing feels as great as being with mom. 🙂

I have always been pathetic at adjusting to change. But never thought this would be so difficult and would take so long. It’s nearly six months since I got married and I am still struggling. Will things get better or is it gonna be like this always?? 😮


8 Comments Add yours

  1. greenboochi says:

    Sorry to hear, Arch. My answer might not make you feel any better.. even after two years, I feel like I dont belong in the in-laws place. There is warmth, greetings and all that, but there is something missing that I am unable to find. One good thing is, I dont have to be there all the times. its just a couple of weekends in Chennai, and seriously thats what makes me do it. I am in a worst state that you that, I cant call my house at Bangalore my home too. Its like a temp place for me in my subconscious mind. I still call my parents place my home ( I know its weird and I need to move on).

    Hugs! Hope things get better soon. Kudos to the great husbands we have! 🙂

    1. Shucks! two years and still the same. That’s bad. 😦
      Hope things get better for you too and you are able to build you own nest, be it in Bangalore/Chennai. Hugs!! 🙂

  2. Mi says:

    when you feel you belong no w here, remember you belong to blogosphere! 🙂 it will always welcome you with a big hug and a lovely smile! 🙂

    1. Hugs!! So true! The only place where I can peacefully be myself! 🙂

  3. Monkey Mind says:

    It is such a heartfelt post! I read the post and was at loss for words for a while. 😦

    A big big hug arch. 🙂

    1. Thanks so much MM! 🙂

  4. paatiamma says:

    Hi..U will get over it..Do not worry..You have the biggest gift- a loving spouse who would make time and effort to make you happy.The rest are all secondary and adjusting will take time.It took me more than a year to get used living with in-laws and things are far better now.

    1. Arch says:

      I am trying! But nothing seems like home. 😦 I still feel like a stranger many a times. I hope it improves with time, as you say..

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