Life only seems to get tougher and tougher. I always make a big deal of even the small problems. It’s only when we face something big, we realize that we were better off before.
Everyday, there are so many incidents that I am reminded of. My mind doesn’t wanna believe that dad is no more. How is it even possible? Wasn’t he talking to us a couple of hours before they declared he was gone? How can someone go away just like that? How? Trust me, no matter how much science you know, it doesn’t really help in such a situation.
I keep getting the feeling that he will walk down the staircase, like his usual self and scold me for staying up late in the night. Else, it seems like he has gone for his daily walk and will be back soon. I keep talking to him all the time in my head and every time there is this question I ask him, “How can you leave us and go?”.
I remember the night that we sat in the balcony waiting for him to return. There was a fight at home and he had gone off on his scooter. He wasn’t receiving our calls and didn’t return till nearly midnight. When he did return, he said he had gone all the way till Nandi Hills. I still remember the fear we felt that day. Today everything feels numb, that worst fear having come true.
There is hardly a thing that my mom has done independently, apart from going to work and the household chores. She was totally dependent on him. Dad bought the vegetable, the groceries, paid the bills, handled the bank stuff and took mom everywhere. She never traveled anywhere alone. Now how will she cope with everything? How will she learn to handle things? This worries me the most.
I feel like sleeping all the time and not getting up, coz when I am asleep everything seems fine. Waking up only places me back into reality. 😦