Dear Could-Have-Been-Husband,

There are a lot of things I faced because of you. I am not supposed to blame you, as you are totally unaware of the events that occurred post your visit to our house. Yet, sadly I have to vent this out on you!

Why am I bringing this up more than a year later? Okay, let’s rewind then. You and your family wanted us to come to your house for seeing you. The proposal had come from your end. We came, met. You were good looking and had a good job. Your family was nice, courteous. But when the chance was given to us, you hardly spoke. You talked about just a couple of things. I kept asking questions and you hardly had anything to say or ask.

We came back home, my family had liked you, but I hadn’t. I wanted to know the person reasonably well, before getting married. The first impression from your end wasn’t great for me. It was a No from my end. But as always, dad saw the obvious, required qualities of a groom and forced me to agree. I didn’t. To make things worse, your family called saying they would like to visit us the following weekend. Now, my parents were behind me to oblige, saying they couldn’t refuse. Maybe I would like you in the second meeting, was their opinion.

You came and went. My opinion didn’t change. But you added me on FB and gave me your email id. I thought we could have some conversations before we take any decision. You not having contacted, and my dad forcing me, I emailed you. Your response was that you needed time to think, before talking to me. But, surprisingly, your family called saying they were okay with the match and that we should go ahead and call the elders of the family and we should talk about the wedding plans and dates.

I came home, heard this and the typical me, flipped. To add ghee to the fire, dad had spoken to a few elders in the family regarding the same, despite knowing that it was a ‘No’ from my end. This led to a huge row, between me and my dad. Huge is a small word. A few blogger friends, here who read my previous blog, know what happened. It was one of the worst days of my life. My already strained relationship with dad, dived into a far pathetic situation.

Thankfully, the sun came out from behind the clouds. I met Bg. Things changed. He spoke nineteen to the dozen, making me feel comfortable. Things worked out fine, we got married, dad seemed relieved, was happy to see his daughter finally settle down.

Few months later you had to come again. In the form of the news that you are getting married to a close relative’s daughter. Also that, them being really poor, you have taken up a great share of the wedding expenses. Kudos, to you! I never said you were a bad guy. I just didn’t see in you, what I wanted in my husband. But on hearing the news, dad was visibly upset that I had refused such a great guy! To top it, my parents had to attend your wedding and I may have to face you some day, in some social gathering.

Let bygones be bygones. But why now, did I have to find those letters written by dad? He has written letters to me, my sis and mom, a day after the fight. He writes that he is leaving the house and that we shouldn’t try to find him. He writes to mom about his bank account details, which she is supposed to use to get me married. He writes to me, wishing me a good future ahead and that I have to mend my ways to live a peaceful life. The worst is what he writes to my sis and BIL. He writes to them to take up the responsibility of my wedding. He writes “you can quote to others that I have passed away due to heart attack, so that they will not mis-construe things and cancel the marriage etc”.

He has later changed his mind and stapled these sheets in the diary. Not sure what made him stop from doing what he wrote. Whatever it is, I am very grateful to it. But exactly a year later, he has passed away. The irony is that, it was a heart attack. All that I am now left with are these letters, the guilt and the thought that maybe I am somewhere the cause for what happened to him. Maybe I worsened his health conditions, giving him all the tension. All I can do now is cry in vain.

May you have a great life ahead. I sincerely hope that you take good care of your wife and that you both live happily, always. But I also wish you hadn’t come in my life. Maybe if we hadn’t met, all this wouldn’t have happened. Well I know, it’s just my thinking. Que SerΓ‘, SerΓ‘ (Whatever Will Be, Will Be). I just had to write this and let it out of my system. Like I said before, sadly I had to vent it out on you!

Best Wishes,

20 Comments Add yours

  1. Tatsat says:

    That fellow, whoever he is, is a no-brainer. He is irrelevant. The way things shaped up is unfortunate, to say the least. What he could have, or what he should have and how things would have been then- I guess we will never find out.

    Can you call him up and give him a piece of your mind πŸ™‚ Or maybe a prank call or something ?

    This too shall pass.

    1. Arch says:

      LOL. πŸ˜€
      Sounds tempting.. But why dig up the past? That too with someone who knows nothing about what happened.

      1. Tatsat says:

        Yeh bhi hai.
        Fir you can always curse him on blog and ask us to contribute πŸ™‚

        1. Arch says:

          What are good friends for! Hai na? Thanks for being around yaar.

          1. Tatsat says:

            Pleasure is mine Arch. You are a good friend…

  2. Archita says:

    Forgive , Forget and Move on. πŸ™‚ Lovely and heart felt post , Arch. Loved reading it and felt the pain you have inside. I have many friends who faced this situation. Indian Marriage dogma. I stood by my friends . And each incident made me stronger. You know like they say , difficult situations make us what we are ..Easy things just stay as good memory. Proud of you and your decision. One day everything will make perfect sense. Don’t worry. Move on. You dad is there somewhere blessing you; keep making him proud. Love , Archita

    1. Arch says:

      You know Archita, that’s one of the things, dad mentioned in the letter. To forgive and forget. Also it is something that I do easily. I forgive people too easily sometimes. It’s just the helplessness which made me write this post.
      Thanks so much for the lovely words! You friends here are the few people who help me stay strong.

  3. Arch,

    2 roads diverged in a wood…. we will never know what would have/could have happened. It is an unfortunate turn of events and I know you are pained. But then, life is a string of experiences and events that cause them. We don’t forsee everything in life. Don’t blame yourself. Unintentional acts are not in our control. And who knows, it may have been something better or something worse!
    Somewhere, your father will be peaceful to know you are happy. Fathers are like that πŸ™‚


    1. Arch says:

      Thanks so much! You put it so nicely!
      I really hope he is peaceful and happy atleast now.

  4. greenboochi says:

    Arch.. hugs again! Some people will never know what kind of impact they are having on others lives. Its painful to hear that all this brought a crack in yoru relationship with dad. Worst is finding about those letters. Must have been so painful.

    I gave so much pain to my parents through my wedding. Dad was spending every night wide awake for almost 1.5yrs before my wedding. I refused to come down from my stand of not marrying anyone else other than S and dad didnt want to come down from his stand of not accepting inter-caste marriage. Its the worst phase of my life. Days together dad wouldnt talk to me. I really dont want to go over his diary to find out what was on his mind. It would make me more guilty.
    When he finally accepted to our wedding, everthing was smooth. Now he praises S like anything. But I know there is a tiny spot in his heart he still feels bad for what I did to the family by having inter caste wedding.

    I can understand what you are going through. Hugs Arch.

    1. Arch says:

      ((Hugs)). It must have been so much more difficult for you GB. I can understand. I am so glad that you guys are happy now and your dad’s happy too.

      Like you say, maybe if I hadn’t got and gone through the letters it would have been better off. Ignorance is bliss, isn’t it? Take care!

  5. Mi says:

    You made me think today. Am thinking!

      1. Mi says:

        is it fair to hurt parents! I know how it feels once you’ve lost them! 😦

        1. Arch says:

          I guess it’s human nature. Years just pass away with us busy and not caring and once they are gone, the rest of the years are spent with the guilt and repentance in heart.

          But when we have decisions to make, I think it is important that we think about what is right for us too coz we are once who have to deal with the results of the decision. Do the best you can Mi! No matter how hard we try, we cannot please everyone!

  6. Lifts India says:

    Yes truly a nice post I am also begin thinking.

  7. Monkey Mind says:

    Sigh! Ignorance is such a bliss at times! 😦

    Sometimes pain comes in bulk and agonizes the soul. But it also vaporizes fast and leaves for good soon. This is just such a bad time for you arch. A big hug. Hold on and stay strong. I am sure your appa would have forgiven you for all that because in the end he has seen you happy and that is waht he would have wanted too. So you being sad would just make him sad too. He is within you. Always.

    Cheer up and let go dear.

    Hugs again Arch

    1. Arch says:

      Thanks MM! Hugs!!

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