Why I gave this name to my blog was because of the way the mind switched between a million thoughts in a minute! It’s amazing how I would be lost thinking of some thing random and finally when I become aware, I am on a totally different track altogether. Sometimes I even forget what thought triggered off the whole chain. Then I have to do back tracking. 😛
For instance, I have this habit of singing songs when riding to office (Thankfully my mouth is covered with a scarf and it’s not visible to people, else they would think I am insane, talking to myself!). When doing the same today, I spotted a Ganeshji’s idol in one of the tents they had put up for the festival. My mind automatically switched songs and I started singing a Ganeshji keerthana, I had learnt way back when I did my Junior Carnatic vocal music lessons. I forgot a few lines and was disappointed. My mind switched subjects and started thinking of how I have totally given up something I learnt. I haven’t even kept in touch by practicing. Then I thought about what I have thought about for a long time, joining music classes again. Then I realized I am not being able to make time in the midst of everything.
From this I went to think how things were back then during Ganesha/Gowri festivals and how dad made all arrangements at home. Then it was a replay of all hospital events of dad, things he said, things he asked for etc. Then it was about trying to stop my mind from thinking these thoughts and think about other stuff. That’s when I thought, how did all these thoughts start off? All this in less than a few minutes!
Reading the above process, you would have realized, how confused and overworked my brain is. I use it too much to remember the non essential things that remembering the essentials has become very tough! 😦 Also, my mind has over the time got groomed to thinking negative thoughts. Whenever a situation comes, I end up thinking only about things that can go wrong when there may be numerous things that may go right. When I read positive posts and blogs, I am inspired, but I see that it’s momentary. When I am out from there, dealing with my life, I am back to being who I am. How do I break out of this vicious cycle? How do I change myself? This has become the primary challenge in my life now.