Though I tell myself not to be biased, to give things more time before forming concrete opinions, I can’t help but think that things are just not the same! It’s different and not in a good way.
My opinion of what a family is or should be, is that the people in the family are the closest to you. They are the ones you would share your utmost joys and deepest sorrows and most horrible fears! And then, they are right there, reciprocating the emotions, smiling and feeling happy with you, feeling sad yet consoling you, filling you with courage and encouraging you to take that step forward.
I know I am probably picturing the Perfect family and reality isn’t always that rosy! Yet, the basic essence should be there. My parents always celebrated our achievements. Not by calling for a toast, but by proudly sharing the news with the others. They didn’t cry with us, but Dad would scold us for crying about silly stuff and Mum would hug us close and sleep. They always gave their opinion on how to tackle things we feared, sometimes by just saying, “face it! it’s no big deal.”
Birthdays were ALWAYS special at our home. We always wished the other on his/her birthday. We planned and bought gifts. As kids we made cards. We got new clothes every time. Mom would definitely prepare some sweets, at least we would buy some, if she couldn’t due to some reason. It is the birth day of your family member. A day that deserves some celebration
When I came into this family, I some how expected things to be similar, maybe even better. Was shocked that birthdays aren’t anything special. Wishing the person on the day, isn’t thought of as anything important. Sometimes they even forget that it’s the person’s birthday and it doesn’t really matter. No new clothes, no special feeling on the day. You just grow a year older. Though I have made peace with that attitude, it’s aches a little deep down in the heart that the pampering days are over!
Today, I resigned from my current company! I got a new job offer. (More about that later. Hope things go well! Touchwood!). I can picture the scene , if it had been my home. Mom would be all smiles, feeling proud and Dad would be smiling saying “Congratulations Putti! Keep it up!”. Nothing was ever trivialized. Only after the initial feeling of joy and appreciation, it would go on the other stuff of, which company, which location, what pay etc?
Here it’s different! I don’t get the feeling of happiness of making anyone proud. Neither do I see anyone happy about simple things. I sense a sort of indifference. Things are not asked or communicated directly. Even responses sometimes don’t come directly. It has to come via Bg. I am not sure if I am thinking and digging too much into it. But I am just putting down how I feel.
Today I cried a lot, remembering my Dad. He felt close. Closer than anyone who is around me right now! I felt he is one who is now listening intently to every word of mine. He’s the one rejoicing at my joys and feeling sad in my sorrows. I miss him the most right now!
Strange are the ways of life, isn’t it?