Bonds and Ties


Though I tell myself not to be biased, to give things more time before forming concrete opinions, I can’t help but think that things are just not the same! It’s different and not in a good way.

My opinion of what a family is or should be, is that the people in the family are the closest to you. They are the ones you would share your utmost joys and deepest sorrows and most horrible fears! And then, they are right there, reciprocating the emotions, smiling and feeling happy with you, feeling sad yet consoling you, filling you with courage and encouraging you to take that step forward.

I know I am probably picturing the Perfect family and reality isn’t always that rosy! Yet, the basic essence should be there. My parents always celebrated our achievements. Not by calling for a toast, but by proudly sharing the news with the others. They didn’t cry with us, but Dad would scold us for crying about silly stuff and Mum would hug us close and sleep. They always gave their opinion on how to tackle things we feared, sometimes by just saying, “face it! it’s no big deal.”

Birthdays were ALWAYS special at our home. We always wished the other on his/her birthday. We planned and bought gifts. As kids we made cards. We got new clothes every timeMom would definitely prepare some sweets, at least we would buy some, if she couldn’t due to some reason. It is the birth day of your family member. A day that deserves some celebration

When I came into this family, I some how expected things to be similar, maybe even better. Was shocked that birthdays aren’t anything special. Wishing the person on the day, isn’t thought of as anything important. Sometimes they even forget that it’s the person’s birthday and it doesn’t really matter. No new clothes, no special feeling on the day. You just grow a year older. Though I have made peace with that attitude, it’s aches a little deep down in the heart that the pampering days are over!

Today, I resigned from my current company! I got a new job offer. (More about that later. Hope things go well! Touchwood!). I can picture the scene , if it had been my home. Mom would be all smiles, feeling proud and Dad would be smiling saying “Congratulations Putti! Keep it up!”. Nothing was ever trivialized. Only after the initial feeling of joy and appreciation, it would go on the other stuff of, which company, which location, what pay etc?

Here it’s different! I don’t get the feeling of happiness of making anyone proud. Neither do I see anyone happy about simple things. I sense a sort of indifference. Things are not asked or communicated directly. Even responses sometimes don’t come directly. It has to come via Bg. I am not sure if I am thinking and digging too much into it. But I am just putting down how I feel.

Today I cried a lot, remembering my Dad. He felt close. Closer than anyone who is around me right now! I felt he is one who is now listening intently to every word of mine. He’s the one rejoicing at my joys and feeling sad in my sorrows. I miss him the most right now!

Strange are the ways of life, isn’t it?

10 Comments Add yours

  1. Tatsat says:

    Different families have different cultures. They value different things. The key is to keep this reality in mind as we become part of that. Do not be disheartened by lack of responses. Maybe they aren’t aware of the way you are used to, maybe they don’t want to ( that is a shade abstract but… )- either way, I believe a woman is capable of changing generations. I know my mother, and I know how my father’s side. Trust me, one single strong headed woman can make every bit of difference 🙂 You should meet her someday, my mother 😛

    As for the new job, I personally am proud to have come across you. You are a good person, and things are only going to get better for you. You will do great…

    1. Arch says:

      Thanks for the comment Tatsat! You fill me with hope. 🙂
      Maybe someday I too will blend in and things will be fine.

      Those are really sweet words! Thanks. 🙂

      1. Tatsat says:

        You are not the one who blends Arch. You are the one who shapes the world around here 🙂 And, 10 years down the line, you will know have evidence of my belief. For now, stay calm….

        PS- My language gets messed up whenever I comment from my little mobile screen 😦 Edit and correct when you find grammatical errors. Looks bad 🙂

    2. Mi says:

      I just read your comment here, and I feel exactly what you’ve commented… That’s what i told Arch…wait till u have kids! 😀

      1. Tatsat says:

        It will take quite a bit of effort. But I am sure she is all game for it 😉

  2. Hi Arch! 🙂

    Acceptance is not easy but when it comes, you will realize that you will love everyone for it 🙂 There is no right or wrong. As you said, it is only different. And passage of time and your own intervention may make situations familiar. Give it some time and most importantly, try not to have any expectations – hard but works like magic!

    So happy for you! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!New job – new people – new workplace- new office – a new spirit 🙂 And a new wardrobe perhaps? 😛

    1. Arch says:

      Hugggs! 🙂
      Thanks so much for the lovely words and sharing the joy. Makes me feel wonderful. 🙂
      And yes I am hopeful that with time, things will fit in much better.

  3. Mi says:

    hugss… i know how it feels! 🙂 but our family is our family…rest everything else is just “putting up”… wait till u have your own family.. kids and all, then you would have someone who’d reciprocate the way you want them too.. they’d be your people! 🙂

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