Why??

on

Am I constantly afraid to be myself? There is this constant urge to be like someone else, which is getting me no where.

♦  When at work. I felt what I was doing was not significant enough or that I am not good enough. Always had the feeling that the other colleague is doing great stuff. He is working constantly, joined a great course, managing a family and achieving everything. Why do I feel that he is better off than me even though I know, he wants to quit that job and get a new one, while I got that already? When I know that he gave up the course midway coz it was too much to handle amidst everything, while I chose to learn stuff on my own?

♦ When hanging out with friends (one an NRI and another a foreign returned). When they chat about places, foreign brands and other stuff, I feel small for maybe having not achieved enough, for having not gone around many places.
Why do I feel this way even though I know that the life I have here with family & friends is what is better and that social parties with drinks, hanging out at the mall etc. is all that they have there?

♦ When roaming around at the mall with them. I feel out of place. I feel that everyone around has so much money and can afford such expensive stuff. Why do I feel that way though I know I spend my hard earned money the right way. I know that I am saving up for a rainy day and not spending away all I have.

♦ When I look at tall and beautiful gals. I feel bad I am short and cannot carry off the kind of clothes they wear, that probably am not as beautiful as they are. Why do I feel like that when I know I wear good clothes, that I am comfortable in and that my height has never been a limiting factor in my life and that loads of people envy the dimples I have and say that I have a beautiful smile?

♦ When I see people having fun at vacations. I feel sad that we aren’t going out and having fun or having any time of our own. Why do I feel this way when I know I have a great hubby who is my biggest support, who cares for my mom just as much he cares about his parents. He is there to take them on all their doctor appointments and fulfil their needs.

Why do I constantly compare myself to others and feel bad about the things which I don’t have rather than feeling ecstatic about the things I have in my life which is worth much more than what they have?

This comparison and negative feeling I see is only increasing with time. I don’t feel good when among friends. I don’t feel good when we are out shopping. I don’t feel like being social anymore. I disabled my FB account coz that was depressing me and I felt I spent way too much time looking at others lives.

Though I constantly tell myself that there are people who are facing worse situations, who are dealing with those situations much better, there are people like SL who are so positive etc, I still get pulled back into the negative and depressing thoughts.

It seems so hard to be happy when I know I have a much smoother life than many others. Why do I keep struggling constantly to find reasons to be happy??

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. greenboochi says:

    Such a brutally honest post Arch. Salutes to you.
    Many a times my thought process too. Happiness comes from feeling content, but these days no one feels content. Those lives whom we think are happier than us, are constantly trying to be like someone else whom they think are even happier than them and this goes on, I think.

    Some days back, I wrote a post on settlement, happiness and all that. At that instant it felt like I found answers and that my life is not bad at all. But I still think a lot about it. In my view, my friend who couldnt even complete her 12th std is now happily married, owns a beauty parlour, has two wonderful kids and posts such happy pictures in Fb. Here I am, topper until college, working in my dream company, but away from husband and not sure if I am really happy at all. I need to find reasons to smile, but seems to be it comes to her easily. But but but, I will never know what she is going through really. One of my friend who is a home maker would do anything to switch places with me. For me, she seems really happy with her kid, having the all the time for herself.

    I guess grass is always greener on the other side.

    Not sure if my comment made any sense to you, but I am sailing in the same boat too and you have a company! 🙂

    1. Arch says:

      Thanks GB!
      Yes.. It is about contentment. We always feel it’s easier/better/nicer on the other side. I guess it’s mostly the case with everyone at some point of time. It’s becoming a tad too much with me though. 😦

      Our parents were contented with such little things. We on the other hand have so many things and yet are unsatisfied. Strange!

      1. greenboochi says:

        I was thinking of the same Arch. My dad was the only earning member of my family, supporting 6 people. We did have our bit of struggles, but i dont remember a time we were not happy. Is something wrong with us?

  2. Mi says:

    Its fair enough to have complains, and to compare ourselves with others. It’s absolutely ok, to feel the way you do. Now, how many of these can you really achieve? And those you feel you can, do it! For all the other things READ…. There is a whole universe, your body wants to explore, and there are limitations to it….there is another universe, which your soul wants to explore, and that’s more satisfying and totally possible, give your soul that chance…

    Read, read and read,…. That’s how i have been to places.. i read eat-pray-love and i visited all the places Liz went to. I read Twilight saga, I felt beautiful and immortal. I always tell this to people who are seeking something… Go out there…you will get answers to whatever you are seeking… for starters, to make u feel better, let me tell u a trick.. think of a question….open any book, any page and place your finger on a sentence… -that’s your answer..

    you won’t believe how amazingly it works for me EVERY SINGLE TIME.. have faith…all good things will come to you! 🙂

    1. Arch says:

      You put it so well… The soul seeking another universe which is totally possible.. So true..

      Thanks Mi! I will get back to reading, I have almost given it up totally. I used to read so much before, now I just read a couple of blogs and that’s about it… I should get back to doing stuff, to get the results..

      You know.. I just tried your trick and it actually gave just the right answer! Thanks Mi! Love ya. 🙂

  3. Ramya says:

    Arch, Brutally honest post..I have a post in my head on comparison, should bring it out soo..Why is it that we dont compare (atleast I ) when things are good for us? ie, for example, I have not compared with my cousin who was hunting for a job for years together when I had a comfortable job at hand. But the comparison cropped up when she got pregant and I havent yet.. I think we need to TRAIN ourselves constantly that it is our life and we need to live it and comparing is not going to help. Probably the path is longer and it will take a longer duration, but I think it will help in the long run. Just imagine, what will we teach our kids, if we ourselves compare? Sorry for the long comment..Probably I’m just brining out what I’m telling my own mind, just that the mind is hard to budge (:

    1. Arch says:

      Thanks Ramya! Do write what’s in your head.. It helps..
      I too have spent a lot of time wondering about such stuff, just like you.. There are no shortcuts I guess, we just have keep trying every moment to be content and happy. Don’t be too harsh on yourself.. 🙂

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