A Grand Opening?? Not so much!

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It’s been a fortnight since the new year started and it’s been a year since I started reblogging. I have been wanting to write since the year started. With most people around writing a post a day for the blogathon, I was really finding it tough to come up with a single post. What I knew was that I wanted to begin the year with a happy post. But like they say – Happiness lies in moments, you will miss it, if you go looking for it. So finally, I just decided to write , simply.

♦ We sold my dad’s car. I wanted to blog about it. But then, that was a sad post, so I didn’t begin with it. But here we are and that’s what I am writing about. Dad had bought a Wagon-R in 2010, brand new, in silver color. He had hardly driven it. It had run an odd 13K kms in three years. It was the Duos version with LPG and Petrol. I really wanted to retain the car with us, but due to various reasons which can be a post of it’s own, we had to decide to give it away.

We preferably wanted someone whom we knew to buy it, so we can at least see them drive it around. But all the people never got back after all dilly-dallying. So we took a decision and gave it away to UTrust, last Monday. Mom cried. I did too. But what’s a car, when we lost Dad itself?

♦ I got a diary and have been writing in it more often than here. I carry it around in my bag and it’s nice to write down thoughts as they come to my mind, unlike thinking that I should blog about it and then sitting blank in front of the laptop a few hours later. 😐

♦ I had been experiencing these mood swings from a long time now. There are times when I read a lot of positive stuff and think that I will totally change my negative attitude, I feel positive, full of charge and raring to go. Within just a couple of hours, for the slightest matter I will be extremely depressed. Like the thought that I have been really lonely in the new office, since a month and a half. Going alone to lunch and everything.

A single thought leads to a whole rush of other thoughts, by the end of which I am so depressed. Sometimes the depression is so much that thoughts like putting an end to life will solve problems or moving away to a distant land, far from everyone, to a place I am unknown, will make me free, cross my mind. The mood switches are extreme and sometimes scare me.

Speaking about it to a friend, made me find out that this behavior also has a name – Bipolar Disorder. Though he didn’t actually mean that I am suffering from it, reading about it, made me find a lot of familiar stuff. But maybe it’s not too severe right now. Even if it is that, I would like to get out of it only on my own.

♦ I joined Just Books in December and have been having a great time renting and reading books that I have been planning since some time. I just finished the book One Amazing Thing  by Chitra Banarjee Divakaruni. It was great! I really liked it. Now I got Five People you meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom, a book I have been wanting to read from a long time. Join a library, if you want be happy reading a lot of books and not feel guilty spending too much on them. 🙂 Though I like and believe in the quote – A book worth reading is a book worth buying, it isn’t really practical always. I am spending for the membership and yet reading books worth much more, in fact priceless ones!

So there we go.. I wrote my first post of 2014, a pretty long one, I see. 🙂

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14 Comments Add yours

  1. Monkey Mind says:

    Welcome back Arch! 🙂 🙂

    First things first. Happy 2014 and a big big hug dear. Things will get better slowly but surely! There is always a good time coming after a dark one. Always arch. Just keep up your spirits and look forward 🙂

    Kudos on getting a library membership. Mine expired sometime last year and I have been on a reading drought since then 😦

    1. Arch says:

      Thanks MM! 🙂
      Go renew the membership… sooooon… 🙂

  2. Mi says:

    nice to see a post here after a long time! 🙂 wishing you a great year ahead! 🙂

      1. Mi says:

        I was in a rush yesterday so couldn’t comment. Here goes.

        1. I know exactly how it must feel letting go your dad’s car. I remember asking my mom to retain my dad’s scooter when he passed away, 15 years back. I insisted that I would ride it once i grew old enough to ride. But that was irrational. Finally we had to let it go. But it gets better with time, Arch. Trust me. More power to you and your family! 🙂

        2. About bipolar disorder. One of my very close friend’s husband is suffering from this disease and it is very very different from the bouts of depression and excitements that we keep getting. You don’t have to worry about it all. My friend’s husband gets so depressed at times, that he attempts suicide, he tries to kill his sweet 8 month old daughter, he cries unstoppably for days together, locks himself in the room. And when he is happy, he will go about throwing parties, buying gold, laughing hysterically. His state is controlled only by taking injections on a daily basis to control this. So, as humans we do have these ups and downs, and it’s perfectly normal. I think.

        3. Books. I never thought about joining libraries. How stupid. thanks for this wonderful idea, I am going to find one near my place soon. I am saturated with the idea of reading ebooks now and I want to read real books. I don’t wnt to buy books, because I have no place to store them, so library is a great idea! Thanks for that! 🙂

        REst, I’ve already wished u a great year ahead, many times.. .so have a good one! 🙂 Hugs!! 🙂

        1. Arch says:

          Thanks so much for sharing that Mi.. I am genuinely a bit relieved after reading that. But I feel really sorry for your friend’s husband. It must be so hard for him to deal with something of that sort… It must be so tough for his family too. 😦

          Do try out a membership at Just Books.. They have a lot of branches and a good collection of books. Happy reading!:-)

  3. greenboochi says:

    Arch.. hugs hugs and more hugs. I can understand your feelings about giving away dad’s car. Sometimes, certain things carry so many memories that its hard to let go.

    Time is the greatest healer. Things will change, they surely will. You will find friends in your new office very soon and then, you wont be alone anymore and those thoughts will vanish too. From my experience, loneliness is the biggest issue. Once you feel lonely, your mind starts acting all weird.

    Always wanted to join a library.. but the membership fee seemed a little too much. I thought I would buy a book and have it with me, thats what I have been trying to do. Sometimes its tough finding a book though. Join library or buy books – anything to enjoy reading, books are the best companions 😀

    1. Arch says:

      Thanks for the comforting words GB!

      You are so right about books being best companions! they are a treasure trove. 🙂

  4. Please don’t think you have bipolar disorder or any such thing….I lost my dad 4 years ago and believe me the first year was tough very very tough….infact even now there are days that are extremely bad like yesterday (he passed away on jan 16th 2010) ….I hAve also blogged about it …..but time does take away some of the pain if not all….so hang in there dear….

    1. Arch says:

      Hey there!
      I am extremely sorry to read about your dad. Yeah I guess, like you say, everything heals with time. Right now may be I should just let things be and see where everything goes.
      Thanks for the kind words.. Good to see you here. 🙂

  5. Arch,

    Hugs. I understand how it must have been to sell your dad’s car.
    I am so glad you found a library – I feel deliriously happy amidst books and am so glad that you have something similar to be excited about!
    You are going through a rough patch. Give yourself time. Mood swings are not bipolar disorder always. I hope you get some good company at work (you may probably have to initiate considering you are new), awesome boosk and general happiness and safety in 2014 and always! 🙂

    1. Arch says:

      Thanks for the lovely words Kismi! The books are really one of the things that are keeping me happy and excited! 🙂

  6. I think mood swings are common, because you are feeling bad about your dad etc. So just give it some time and I am sure you will snap out of this situation. Why don’t you take a vacation or go somewhere? It might help you cheer up a little.

    1. Arch says:

      Vacations are not planned as of now. Too many commitments at present. But we are having a couple of weekend trips planned to different cities to attend friends weddings. That is something I am really looking forward to. 🙂

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