Been more than a week since the house-warming now. After much disappointment and anger throughout the week, I am now able to think calmly and write a post. Well.. the anger and disappointment was because after loads of effort towards construction of the house, me and Bg were not made to sit for the pooja/homa. Only Bg’s elder brother and wife were the people who performed everything.On that day too, we were just running around doing all the chores. Getting chairs for the guests, seeing if the food is ready, handing out the return-gifts to people etc. Not that these tasks are insignificant, but it something that anyone can do.
The house we constructed was a joint venture, by Bg and his brother, Bk. The site, though it belongs to my FIL, is officially in the name of Bk. Since the brothers didn’t want the hassles of splitting the site, registering it in two names, taking two loans etc. they came to an understanding of letting the site remain as is, Bk taking the loan and Bg giving his share of the EMI. After possession, the second floor of the building would be made to Bg’s name. Since it was between brothers, we all felt it’s okay.
When it comes to the effort and time put in for the construction, like I have written previously, Bg has done a LOT. Just because he works from home, he was expected to carry out all the tasks. He has spent entire days together at the site. His brother obviously got off it easy, thanks to Bg being so involved. Despite being tired most days, Bg didn’t mind doing all of it, since it was “our” home. So was it wrong to expect that we too will be an important and integral part of the rituals of the house-warming and not just accessories, tagging along??
I didn’t mind it the first day, since the following day would be full of rituals too. I was expecting we would be asked then. But when the same thing repeated next day, I felt bad. To top it, all my relatives, kept asking why we weren’t sitting for the pooja, which upset me more. I wouldn’t have minded it all, if it was my parents-in-law who had sat for the pooja, since they are the elders of the family. But, it was only my BIL and his wife! Though it was evident that Bg was upset too, him being the person he is, never voiced it out. End result? We fought the following day! 😦 I complained about the unfairness in the whole thing and he simply telling that he hadn’t expected it, but what could he do and that maybe it was all unintentional.
When he did confront his mom with why it was so, she told, it was because only one person could sit for the pooja according to the priest. I don’t believe that, because I have previously attended many house-warming ceremonies, which had more than one family performing the ceremonies. Either way, we ( I ) had no choice but sulk and keep quite. Am I being selfish or unreasonable here? I don’t feel sad for myself, I just feel sad for Bg. A lot of his effort went into the house. For him too, it would have been a dream of sorts to build a house, do the house-warming, shift and settle down there.
All said and done, neither Bg, nor I are of the kind who will bear a grudge or think of getting back at anyone, let alone at family. So we just let it go, as always..
With my father’s first year death ceremony lined up on four days this week, I can’t spend time brooding or sulking over other things. Yes.. It is already, almost a year. It seems just like yesterday. 😦 Time and again the hospital scene keeps replaying in my head.
So that was about my sad and disappointing week. How was yours?