About the much anticipated week!

Been more than a week since the house-warming now. After much disappointment and anger throughout the week, I am now able to think calmly and write a post. Well.. the anger and disappointment was because after loads of effort towards construction of the house, me and Bg were not made to sit for the pooja/homa. Only Bg’s elder brother and wife were the people who performed everything.On that day too, we were just running around doing all the chores. Getting chairs for the guests, seeing if the food is ready, handing out the return-gifts to people etc. Not that these tasks are insignificant, but it something that anyone can do.

The house we constructed was a joint venture, by Bg and his brother, Bk. The site, though it belongs to my FIL, is officially in the name of Bk. Since the brothers didn’t want the hassles of splitting the site, registering it in two names, taking two loans etc. they came to an understanding of letting the site remain as is, Bk taking the loan and Bg giving his share of the EMI. After possession, the second floor of the building would be made to Bg’s name. Since it was between brothers, we all felt it’s okay.

When it comes to the effort and time put in for the construction, like I have written previously, Bg has done a LOT. Just because he works from home, he was expected to carry out all the tasks. He has spent entire days together at the site. His brother obviously got off it easy, thanks to Bg being so involved. Despite being tired most days, Bg didn’t mind doing all of it, since it was “our” home. So was it wrong to expect that we too will be an important and integral part of the rituals of the house-warming and not just accessories, tagging along??

I didn’t mind it the first day, since the following day would be full of rituals too. I was expecting we would be asked then. But when the same thing repeated next day, I felt bad. To top it, all my relatives, kept asking why we weren’t sitting for the pooja, which upset me more. I wouldn’t have minded it all, if it was my parents-in-law who had sat for the pooja, since they are the elders of the family. But, it was only my BIL and his wife! Though it was evident that Bg was upset too, him being the person he is, never voiced it out. End result? We fought the following day! 😦 I complained about the unfairness in the whole thing and he simply telling that he hadn’t expected it, but what could he do and that maybe it was all unintentional.

When he did confront his mom with why it was so, she told, it was because only one person could sit for theΒ pooja according to the priest. I don’t believe that, because I have previously attended many house-warming ceremonies, which had more than one family performing the ceremonies. Either way, we ( I ) had no choice but sulk and keep quite. Am I being selfish or unreasonable here? I don’t feel sad for myself, I just feel sad for Bg. A lot of his effort went into the house. For him too, it would have been a dream of sorts to build a house, do the house-warming, shift and settle down there.

All said and done, neither Bg, nor I are of the kind who will bear a grudge or think of getting back at anyone, let alone at family. So we just let it go, as always..

With my father’s first year death ceremony lined up on four days this week, I can’t spend time brooding or sulking over other things. Yes.. It is already, almost a year. It seems just like yesterday. 😦 Time and again the hospital scene keeps replaying in my head.

So that was about my sad and disappointing week. How was yours?

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18 Comments Add yours

  1. Bikramjit says:

    I totally understand what you went through but dont let this spoil it all and you said it yourself and it makes you a bigger person and Bg too .. that you let it go.. GOOD because new home , new start you dont want to start it like that .. Let it go .. never mind

    and no it was not wrong at all to expect to join in the pooja, but then its happened and gone now so no use thinking about it ..

    Take care

    1. Arch says:

      Thanks so much Bikram for telling me that I am not wrong in thinking so. Yes.. I don’t want to spoil a new beginning. Thanks so much, again! πŸ™‚

  2. Titaxy says:

    hugs. this is indeed unfair, but no point wasting your time brooding over it now, dear. why waste precious time? i do think at some point you guys need to voice your opinion, if this sort of thing keeps repeating. they need to know, right?
    hugs. take care. much love.

    1. Arch says:

      Thanks for the hugs T! I really need them, to stop sulking. 😦
      That is exactly what I tell Bg, that he needs to speak up, but alas! His motto in life, which he keeps giving out as advice too is – “If you wanna do something for somebody then do it wholeheartedly, not with expecting something in return.” Sounds philosophical? He follows it to the T. 😐 I am unsure if I should be delighted or should I be exasperated with him! :-/

  3. Mi says:

    That’s so bad! 😦 You guys are right, in ignoring these petty things. I suggest, when you move into your separate space, have your own little pooja.. πŸ˜›
    Sometimes, people who don’t say enough are taken for granted.. but then, family peace and happiness is more important.. You guys are lovely! πŸ™‚
    Hugs πŸ™‚

    1. Arch says:

      Thanks for the hugs Mi!!

      The own little pooja sounds nice and tempting.. πŸ˜‰ But I am not so sure that we’ll be able to do that.. :-/

  4. I feel you should speak up Arch. If not people will start taking you guys for granted. Probably you guys should have discussed who will sit for the pooja earlier.

    1. Arch says:

      We don’t speak much because we don’t wanna hurt anyone AK. But I guess, we should change things a bit and not let others walk over us too. Sigh!

  5. Arch, while it is natural to feel how you felt, looking at the bigger picture helps a lot. How would you sitting for the Puja make things better? Yes, it would make you happier, some acknowledgement for your efforts but, now that it is over, are you still impacted by it? Prayers brings happiness and joy, doesn’t matter who does them Arch. Please don’t think am being philosophical, it is just that time nad life are too precious and there is too much to do, so we have to move on. No role is small and what you have done shows your love and passion for the house and a new beginning.. Remember al the plans you had for the new home? I wish you the bestest of luck in fulfilling them πŸ™‚
    Hugs πŸ™‚ I hope you have a more peaceful week.

    1. Arch says:

      I know Kismi.. I do mostly look at the bigger picture and let things go. But sometimes, some things hurt and also scare me..

      I have seen not just in my dad’s family how brothers just changed so much over the years, but also in a lot of other families I know too. All that has built a certain fear in me. I know I am imagining the worst and that I shouldn’t. But sometimes, I just can’t help it! 😦

      1. I hear you Arch. Please don’t think I don’t know that it hurts. It does. Well, we just gotta do what we gotta do, right? And now with so many good things to look forward to, we can only fill ourselves with good thoughts. Hugs πŸ™‚
        Ella ok, tensiΓ³n yaake? πŸ˜›

        1. That was keeping in line with our Kannada agreement πŸ™‚

          1. Arch says:

            gottaytu. πŸ™‚

        2. Arch says:

          Hugs!! Thanks Kismi! πŸ™‚

  6. greenboochi says:

    Hugs Arch. You are not at all being selfish. I dont think its fair whatever has happened. I am just wondering if you had communicated the plans earlier as a group, would it have helped? Atleast it would not have come as a shock and surprise to you guys. Bg is a very nice person, and its not correct to just use him for the tasks and not reward.

    As you said, its a good thing you both can move on quickly. No point having grudges, especially if its family. I hope everything turns out good moving forward.

    1. Arch says:

      Thanks GB! Hugs!!

      I hope that things go on smoothly too!

  7. Firstly congrats on the house!
    Your expectations are not unfair. .yes, you both should have been told to sit too. I like other commentators think you should speak up soon though before such things happen again. Especially as you all live together

    1. Arch says:

      Thanks pop!! πŸ™‚

      Yeah.. maybe we ought to see the situation and speak up what we feel.. It’s just that we don’t wanna hurt anyone and spoil close relationships. 😦

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