I have been intending to write regularly and reach the 100th post milestone on my blog, since God knows when! Am still one short. I wonder why is it that I lose interest in everything so easily. I am yet to find that One thing, doing which will constantly keep me motivated and enthusiastic. I am curious to learn stuff and do things and very soon, I see myself losing interest in the same or rather the zeal for it goes down.
As a kid I wasn’t like this. I used to love painting and doing craft work and if I sat with something, I would be so obsessed, that it would be difficult to make me stop. I still remember the times, that I used to sit to paint on that small desk I had, with all the brushes, water and paints. I wonder what happens to that passion, as we grow up. Where did it get lost? Now most time is spent in self-doubt and just wondering if it’s worth all the effort!
I think the lack of time plays a major role too. I am dead tired by the time I reach home nowadays. I get just about 3 hrs at home before bed-time and I am also lacking sleep. My eyelids have been twitching since more than a week now, due to strain and lack of sleep I guess. With such little time, I don’t feel motivated to do anything, let alone try something new. But I want to do so many things. That list keeps growing too. Striking a balance is really difficult!
All the transitions happening at the workplace has left me confused about the job. The major factor is the commuting time, which I really want to cut down as much as possible. Since moving near to the office is not possible, finding a job as close to the new house as possible is the only solution. Even the closest major IT park is about an hour away. In the midst of all this, I see friends who pursue their craft too and open an online store/Facebook page for their stuff, along with pursuing their job. That was an idea I had got ages ago and yet I am no where close to even starting off. I disappoint myself! 😦
At times all I want, is to disconnect myself from all the relationships and be on my own. The responsibilities and expectations get to you at some point of time and all you want is to stop taking care of only others needs and think about yourself. It is close to two years of marriage and we haven’t taken even a single vacation for ourselves. Even traveling happens either to visit the temple for certain poojas or to attend a wedding/function. No time to unwind. It has been more than a year that my husband has been busy with the construction of the house and we have hardly got time for each other. Hence I am irked immensely when he starts accompanying his friend ( who is currently constructing a house ) on almost all his trips to get the material/timber/granite. I mean, come on! I have had enough of it for a year and a half, give it a break! If he doesn’t stop it soon, I am going to approach his friend and tell him directly! 😡
This became a rant, which was not the intention when I started writing the post! But, what the heck! What’ve you been upto?
P.S: Edited to say, apparently this is my 100th post! It said so on publishing. But the dashboard still shows 99. Well.. Yay to me!! 🙂