Time just flies. Days, weeks and months just whizz past leaving me clueless when I think about what I have been doing all this while. It seems crazy when I realize it’s almost end of September. In another three months 2015 is done and dusted! I mean.. didn’t it just begin? Do you feel the same, or is it just me?
My weekdays just zoom away in work, travel and house work. I don’t find time to spare to do anything for myself. I haven’t been pursuing anything that I like, for a long time now. No music, no reading, no craft, no blogging. 😐
On the weekends, I zealously spend a lot of time with my potting-planting stuff. The number of pots have almost doubled and I have been trying my hand at different varieties. It’s such a great feeling when the plants thrive and such a depressing feeling when they die. My husband can’t seem to understand why I spend so much energy and effort in doing all this. 😛 More than that he gets tired with all the work that he has to do. Like get the bags of mud, up three floors to the terrace. Then get sand and stones and what not! Also keep spending on the innumerable pots that I keep buying. 😛
Apart from that, the last month has been hectic in terms of festivals and rituals and ceremonies. Oh the work that comes along with that!! All the arrangements, the elaborate procedures and the rigorous cleaning post that! I am so glad that the major ones just got over. There are some long weekends coming up, that I am so looking forward to. 🙂
Lot of things are changing around me too. At the work front there is so much uncertainty every day. No one is sure of what’s happening. Whether a few days from now we will still be in the same project, move to a different one or move to bench. There is no clarity and it is maddening!
While we always knew that eventually mom will vacate our (am I still allowed to call it that?) house and move to someplace else, preferably closer to us, it still hurts to think about vacating the place where I have grown up and that which has been my “home”. My sister and BIL found a house about 5-6 km from their/our place. It suits all the necessary requirements and the owners seem to be nice and understanding people. All of us, including mom saw it and liked it. So it has been decided that mom and granny will be moving there by the end of this year. It is to be finalized by the end of this month.
Personally I don’t like the fact that my mom has to move. I don’t like the helpless feeling that I have when I realize there’s nothing much that I can do about it. On one hand it is true that I wanted her to be closer to us, where I can go in 15 min, if there’s a need. On the other hand I also wanted my maternal home to always be the place where I grew up. Whenever I have a baby, I wanted to take it to my house. Take walks in the lanes, where I walked as a child, as a teenager and as an adult. See familiar places, talk to familiar people. Have my closest friends visit me. I wanted my baby to be familiar with the place where my Dad was. When I am there, I feel Dad’s still around. I feel like I never left that place. Even after dad passed away, we have gone there almost every weekend, sparing a few. Every single day on the way to and back from work, I pass by the main road leading to my house. I longingly look at the road and with a heavy heart pass by it.
Few months from now, when we vacate the place, I don’t know what’s gonna happen to the house. Whether my uncles decide to keep it or sell it, only time will tell. I sometimes wish I had enough money to buy the house myself. But sadly I don’t! 😦
I am not in a very comfortable or happy place in my life wrt the in-laws either. Things happen every now and then, which hurt and leave me dejected. There’s a lot to write on that front and I have held back so far as I am not sure if I should write down everything that I feel. But there are not many that I can share with and maybe writing it down will liberate me. I am yet to make up my mind about it.
It isn’t easy to seem strong and tough all the time, when there’s so much turmoil inside you. Yet there isn’t much choice, is there?
Waiting to see how the rest of the year pans out. How have you guys been??