Rant-y affair!

on

If I let things be, the days that ran into weeks, will run into months. I wonder what gets to me. Sometimes, I am on a writing spree and I want make a note of all that’s happening. Then there comes a lull, which will stretch into hibernation, if I let it. A pattern that I’ve noticed is that whenever I am watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I stop blogging. That’s because any spare minute that’s available, I wanna watch an episode. But I am determined to break that jinx and that’s why I am here! 🙂

The job change is the big thing that’s happening now. The work has doubled since the time I resigned, with hardly any time to spare. To top it, the lady who is our house-help is on leave since almost a month now! My MIL is behaving totally indifferent to the whole matter and staying silent. Not taking a call on getting in touch with the current lady or getting a new help. I have brought up this topic a couple to times, only to get a cold response. Now when someone (read as me) is there to do the chores, let’s just put off the arranging a help for as long as possible, isn’t it? It’s all my fault. Putting up with unwanted behavior and not taking a stand about things since the beginning has put me in the current position. Now when I try to break the pattern that’s formed, there’s a hullabaloo.

It’s an old story, about which I’ve written very little here, that my co-sister is a big time work shirker. From the time I have been married and come into this house, she has given innumerable reasons to not help around. Initially it was her health reasons, so I let it go. Later she just made it a habit to not do work. Then she was pregnant, so I let it go again. Later it was that she had a small baby to care for. Now the baby is almost a year old and yet I don’t see her come to help in the smallest of tasks at home.

As if this isn’t enough, my MIL does not want to lose her control on the kitchen. The result of that, you ask? Though we have two houses, live on different floors, and it’s been close to two years, since we shifted, we have only one functional kitchen. My MIL cooks. I have to do all the other chores. I chop the veggies, I place the cooker, boil the milk, clean up after everything, now even washing vessels (thanks to the no house-help situation). Yet I don’t have the liberty to cook what I want. I have made peace with that too. But she doesn’t let go off them! She cooks for everyone. The preparatory tasks for the whole affair is huge for me, considering we are 8 members including both houses. This has become an every damn day saga in my life. Speaking to BG isn’t helping and people are not sensitive enough to understand my misery.

In the midst of all this, people keep harping about us not having a baby yet! With me leaving at 7 in the morning and my husband returning at 11 in the night and with the work pressure and all these other chores, with no rest, what do you expect!? 😡 I mean, it’s become impossible to attend any social gathering, without at least one reference being made to our no baby situation.

I really want to get away from this mayhem for a while and have a peaceful life. But there seem to be no such opportunities around. All that I can do is take a small trip for a couple of days and try to find solace in that. So, that’s what I am doing. I have planned for a trip to Agumbe, this month end for me and BG. I have laboriously planned each day, with where we are gonna be and what we are gonna do.I am so looking forward to this. I hope things work out and no last minute thing comes up, like it usually does. I’ll be heart-broken otherwise.

It’s amazing how I start a post with an intention to write something and the post turns out to be on something totally different ! This one turned out to be a big rant! But anyway I had to write it sometime and get it out! So, “how you doing?” 😉

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11 Comments Add yours

  1. Archita says:

    Take a stand. 🙃 Don’t stop loving yourself

  2. Every time I read about your situation, it reminds of my mom. Even though my mom did so much for my granny, she doesn’t even acknowledge that. So I guess you should stand out and become the bad guy.

  3. Tatsat says:

    I think you should not let others ruin the time that you are having with BG. He is a great guy ( one with moustache is always a person to be trusted 😉 ) and baby/no-baby does not change the fact that you are doing very well… MArital life is about fine balances, am told.

    Good to know about how things are with you. Two kitchen thing is kind of hectic, I agree. You both can’t take a vacation every 6 months or so? Like go somewhere. IF nowhere else, come to Delhi. Plenty of places to see and you both can crash at my place 🙂

  4. I say stop doing things. Just stop. Be a bum and watch tv. When you get hungry, go out with husband and have pizza. Or order in and save him a couple of slices. Or even make khichdi. Your situation is sounding exactly how it is when living with roommates you can’t get along with and who expect you to be the cleaner/work-doer. I had simply stopped doing the dishes. I would only use cooker and wash it after I was done. Disposable spoons n plates baby! This continued till I moved out. Sometimes, a second own kitchen is necessary for sanity. Your husband sounds like a great guy, but I really hope he sees and understands what is going on.

    1. Mi says:

      Also…I like PB’s idea too! 😀

      1. Thanks Mi! Nice affirmation that I am not totally nuts. I like Anu’s idea too to get a maid on her own. And even another one for taking care of the home yaa. If the sister in law can’t work, cool! Chip in to pay the maid to do her part. She can’t have her cake and eat it too. Truth be told, I may possibly be equally lazy and that was my solution if anyone told me that I needed to learn for ‘In Laws home’. I used to say, big deal, either husband helps or We will get help. You can control this situation. It’s upto you to what extent you wanna be a lioness now. Rawwwr. 🦁

        1. Also, with a maid and all work done, you will get extra cuddly time, eh?

  5. Anu says:

    Stop doing it, as I’ve told you before – you have to firmly let her know that you can’t do it any longer. If there is a show-down, so be it. Show-downs are good and required once in a while. Worst case you will have to cook for yourself, which you can anyway very well do.
    And get a maid! If she’s not doing anything about it, you call up/ talk to other maids and get them to do the job. If she protests, say you can’t do all the house-hold work while going out to work.
    You and BG need to spend quality time with each other and stop doing all these chores for others all the time. The trip to Agumbe sounds good, and stick to the plan and go, even if some social obligation comes up! :-/

  6. Mi says:

    You know what..this may sound really really cruel.. but I have given this exact advice to a friend who is in the same situation as yours.. To add that, may i say, her MIL has taken over 1 Cr from her and her husband to pay off chit-fund money that her husband owed to many.. and they have no proof, calculations nothing.. anyway.. so i told this friend to ask her husband to find an onsite job..and just go live away for 2-3 years in the name of earning money..
    She is in the same domain as me, so chances for us are less…but I think you may have great opportunities in IT sector..you should think of going and living abroad for a while..push BG.. this will help you bond with him better, and give you the much needed space!
    I really hope you take that vacation… Hugs dear! 🙂 ❤

  7. Ouch!
    You need to talk to BG 🙂 Not about how others need to change but about how you have decided to take it easy because – well you just have.
    Hope it all works out! 🙂

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