Drains me

I find confusing situations extremely draining. To add to my woes, I keep facing such situations repeatedly. I would have deliberated over a situation and come to a decision. That process isn’t very easy for me because I tend to think too much. I go over all possible scenarios and think about the pros and cons and the ifs and buts; irritating the close ones around, seeking their reassurances. Just when I think that I have come to a good decision and I decide to stick to it, a new googly gets thrown at me! I hate having to go through the whole process of thinking again. That leaves me drained and devoid of energy.

I am going through such a decision making right now! To cut the long story short, I had been on bench (basically without a project) for three months, since joining back work after my maternity break. Time was running out and the company didn’t have any suitable projects for me. I had to either sit there, continuing to hope that something may come along, or buck up and find a new job. After waiting around enough I decided to do the latter.

The main reason for me to hang around for three months was that my workplace is extremely close to my house. Any new workplace I knew would be far. Anyway, I decided to look out for new jobs, and thankfully found one too. It’s far from my house! However, the role is in line with my domain of work and they have offered me a handsome hike too. After much thought I decided to take it up and submitted my resignation here.

A friend/senior of mine who had forwarded my profile about two months back, for some interesting opportunity in the present organization, had been told that there wasn’t anything relevant at the moment. Those guys, decided to call me today! Two days, before my relieving date! It was for an opportunity that has probably come up. I feel like saying “Why God why?” in Joey’s exact tones. I informed them about my resignation status.

Their remark of wanting to reconsider my resignation, has left me confused, all over again! Now there is no guarantee that I will be chosen or that I will clear the interview for this opportunity. How can I risk it? But that chance of the workplace being close to home, is so luring. I feel so drained, thinking and rethinking all the possibilities. No outcome so far. I will anyway come to some decision soon.

Such situations, sadly, are not rare in my life. It has happened time and again. Maybe, I don’t know how to deal with uncertain situations. 😦


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