It’s been so long, that it feels uncomfortable to write. So much so that if I give this a second thought, I might just discard or save this post in the drafts, like I’ve done with several others. But at this moment I’ve decided to take this plunge and write, after this really long period of silence.
We all sort of disappeared with the onset of the pandemic. My 2020 was no different than that of the others. It was mostly spent juggling with the zillion things in our life – household chores, managing the kid, innumerable office calls, working till late night to catch up with the deadlines. Weekends were spent at home gardening, cleaning, hobbies and netflix-ing. I’ve watched more number of movies and series in this one year than what I had watched since I installed these apps.
While many people spoke of how the pandemic brought them closer to their family – spouse and kids, I feel weird in voicing out the fact that maybe it made us distant. The long working hours of the husband, almost the entire day spent on calls, locked up in room, leaving me to manage my work, kid and chores alone didn’t help. A sort of bitterness crept in. While I try my best to understand and be accommodating, I can’t help but feel immensely frustrated at times. The poor child has to bear the brunt of my emotions, with me having no outlet for it.
The year was also filled with a lot of technical and role based challenges at work, at which I would like to feel that I emerged victorious. The promotion and appreciations being some validating factors. Some personal ventures also fared better than what they did the previous years, thanks to the weekends being spent at home and not going out. I got to spend a lot of time with my child, but I struggled between the conflicting thoughts of letting him enjoy his free time and homeschooling him diligently. I can’t say that I did a great job, but kudos to my kiddo for bearing with me, adapting to the new normal and doing his best.
A thing I am proud of is having found my gardening mojo back. Something that I’d lost post my pregnancy. I had abandoned it. However now I can proudly say that I have a lush green balcony and my terrace is starting get back in shape too. It’s of course a work in progress. It’s such a satisfying feeling to see those beautiful butterflies and sunbirds visiting the balcony. There is a caterpillar pupa sitting presently on my Kalanchoe plant. Can’t wait for it to become a butterfly and flutter about.
While I did want to write the usual year end and the posts at the onset of 2021, I just couldn’t give those posts a shape. On the positive side, I set myself a challenge of documenting the last 100 days of 2020 by journaling regularly and I achieved it. I found it that writing regularly, simply makes it easy to write, contrary to how I used to feel. It’s not about what we write, it’s just writing that matters. Someday it’ll be great to look back and read those pages from the year known for the pandemic.
Though Covid is still around, many a things have got back to normal. I guess, mostly because of people getting tired more than feeling safe. We had a family outing with cousins to a resort last month and also put up a stall at a flea market last week. Something we wouldn’t have dared to think about a couple of months back. With the ongoing vaccination drive for the elderly I am keeping my fingers-crossed that things will get back to normal sooner than later. What I missed most during 2020, was travelling. That liberating feeling that comes with travel is something that can’t be explained. Worst come worse, I intend to take a solo trip this year. To cut myself a break, clear my head and also with the hope that in my absence, people may realize what all gets easily done without their notice, every single day. Touchwood.
With this as a kick-off I hope to blog more often, if not regularly.
The Little Voice Speaks... 